Sunday, December 11, 2011

Keeping Busy!

It's been a little over a week since we've got the news that the IVF didn't work. We are doing pretty well and I've found that keeping busy is key. The less time I have to sit and think, the better!
Last Saturday Rhett took me downtown for a little retail therapy. He is so sweet just sitting and patiently waiting as I tried on clothes. I always think of the Brad Paisley song, "Waiting on a Woman" when he comes along. At the second store though I turned to him and said, why don't you go to a bar and I'll call you when I'm done. Needless to say, no arm turning was necessary there. Rhett made friends at Joe's and then Gibson's. We had a nice dinner together and then came home and Rhett made me do a fashion show with all my new purchases. It was such a fun day!
Yesterday Rhett and I did a pub crawl called TBOX. The twelve bars of Christmas. We got all dressed up in tacky gear and hung out with some friends from school. It was a lot of fun. We are just doing things we can't do when we have children some day. I know we still feel sad, but we are just trying to count our blessings everyday and live in the moment. We are both excited to spend time with our families over the holidays. We will be spending Christmas in Ohio and New Year's in Arizona. We have a lot to look forward to and we know that God has a plan for us, it just isn't on our time schedule, so we are trying to hand Him the wheel, buckle up, and enjoy the ride!

Here are some pictures from the bar crawl, none of the pics of us together turned out that well, so I put one of Rhett and one of me!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Dawn of a New Day

So I've been awake since about 5, I've already taken the dogs on a long walk and straightened up a bit so now I'm sitting here alone in my thoughts, snuggled up on the couch with my lil man Bauer, as Boomer sits in his window perch policing the neighborhood and listening to the falling rain.
As I sit and think and reflect about yesterday's news a wave of sadness rolls over me but I also feel somewhat calm too. It doesn't seem fair that this keeps happening to us, but I also think that there is a reason it didn't work, there was probably something wrong with the embryos and it wasn't in God's plan for them to grow. Part of me freaks out, I'm already 30, each day I get older, making my fertility problems worse, and I snowball into a a bunch of stressful scenarios. On the other hand, I haven't given up hope that this will happen for us someday, people get pregnant when they're 50 these days, so I know I have more time. Waiting for when it's our time just sucks, but I must say, I've gotten used to waiting, so what's a little more time?
Rhett came home last night, wrapped me in a hug, and poured me a glass of wine. What the hell, I thought, I can take a break from my fertility-friendly diet. We went out to a bar near us and just sat and talked. It was just what I needed. Rhett always knows what I need and I am so grateful for him. Even though he is mourning too, he puts on a strong face, and is my rock. We've decided that we need to let fate play it's role for a while. We can't afford to do anymore IVF without any insurance coverage, so we're hoping it might happen for us when we least expect it. I plan to continue my holistic methods with acupuncture, yoga, and a healthy diet ( I am going to drink coffee every once in a while though, I owe it to myself and I miss it!) and see where it takes us. We will have good days and bad ones, moments of strength and weakness, but God-willing we'll always have each other. We have the sweetest parents, fantastic siblings, adorable dogs, and amazing friends. We don't have children, but we sure do have a lot.

We may not have it altogether, but together we have it all!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Negative is my least favorite word

Negative pregnancy test. The words keep ringing through my head, I didn't think that's what I'd hear at all. Rhett and I were so excited for today and I'm sitting here in total shock,not knowing what to feel or what to do. I can't help but have a little moment of self pity. I know we have so many blessings in our life but all I've ever wanted is to be a mom, and it's feels so unfair that for 3 and a half years we've been robbed of this right. I don't even know where we'll go from here or what our next step will be. I just wanted to thank you all so much for your kind words, your thoughts, and prayers. I am so thankful for all of you.