Going Granola

Yesterday as Rhett and I were driving out to see my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, father-in-law, and adorable little Lucy (we missed you Jan). I was telling Rhett about my second fertility yoga class and I was sharing what a wonderful experience it was again. I'm learning to find balance within my physical self and the world around me as well as creating relationships with the other wonderful women who are on the fertility journey with me. I feel more positive and in control and am really digging this zen-like feeling! In conjunction to the yoga I have begun acupuncture again and really love this relaxing experience. She suggested I see the nutritionist, and I meet with her Thursday and I'm excited to hear what she has to share. The more I've been reading about the eastern way of thinking, I'm prepared for her to tell me that my 17 years of vegetarianism aren't helping my cause. I will do anything to have a baby and keep it in there for 9 healthy, happy months, and would even consider trying to incorporate fish and maybe even meat (I'm gagging writing that) but a baby is more important to me than my beliefs against harming animals. I'm hoping she will say it isn't necessary, but I'm keeping an open-mind. I told Rhett he probably thinks I'm going all "granola" (hippie) on him but he thinks it's really cool how I'm adopting a new way of thinking and the most positive mindset possible. There is a saying painted on the wall in my yoga studio that has become my daily mantra.

"I am happy, I am healthy, I am whole."


Me and Rhett getting some parenting practice with adorable Lulu!

Newfound Yogi

All my life my preferred form of exercise has been good old, heart pumping, push-to-the limit, sweat-evoking cardio. Whether it was running, taking a spin class, or going on the eliptical at a good speed, I never really felt like I was getting a work-out unless it involved cardio of some kind. However, as I've been doing a lot of reading on infertility, high impact exercise can actually negatively affect your fertility. Walking and yoga are linked to helping fertility much more than any kind of cardio. Upon reading this I decided that I would no longer do cardio (not that I've been to the gym much anyways) and embark upon a yoga journey to help my body be in a restful and healthy state prior to my embryo transfer in late November. My journey started today!

As some of you may have read in previous postings, I am taking a six week "Fertility for Yoga" class at a holistic center for Fertility called, "Pulling Down the Moon". I will be taking it every Sunday for an hour and a half and I had my first class today. I went into the class excited and nervous, not sure what to expect. It exceeded all my expectations. We practiced yoga positions to acheive balance, create space, and increase bloodflow, but most importantly... we shared. We shared our struggles and feelings about our journey with infertility. This was the first time I had really got to hear and give support in a small group setting with other women who have gone through similar situations. All of our stories were very different but the helpless, frustrated, confusing, feelings were not that far off. It made me realize Rhett and I are not alone and so many other people out there are going through just what we are. I admired the courage and strength of the other women and I can't wait to get to know them and the wonderful world of yoga more in the coming weeks!

Namaste

New Horizons

As we begin our journey into another IVF cycle we are filled with hope and anticipation. We are gearing up for what we hope to be our most monumental life change yet (probably ever) and have also been blessed with another life change...

Rhett put in his resignation at his current job yesterday and will begin a new job this Monday. It was an offer that he couldn't refuse and will be a wonderful opportunity for our current and future family. We both feel so blessed to have had this opportunity be bestowed upon Rhett at such an important time in our lives. Rhett's dedication to providing for our family never ceases to amaze me. He puts in 110% at his full time job and then works a part-time job as well on the weekends to bring in more money for our baby cause. I have the best husband in the world and I pray everyday that I can grant him his dream of being a daddy someday very soon. He will be the most adoring, caring, and attentive dad. Our snow babies have no idea how lucky they are. Rhett, I love you and I'm sorry for bragging about you, but you make me so happy, and I'm so proud to be your wife!

Here we go!!

This Monday Rhett and I went to see our Doctor at the fertility clinic for the first time since March. It was good to be back and feel like we are taking charge again and plowing forward. We got all our tentative dates and I went yesterday for my first ultrasound and blood work. All looks good, so I was started on birth control pills ( I know seems counterproductive, but it suppresses hormones and gets the uterus ready for the many meds I (read, Rhett) will start injecting in me in late October. We are set for a embryo transfer date of November 22nd, if all goes as planned! Our Thanksgiving will once again be spent in our small condo with a turkey for one ( as many of you know I'm a strict vegetarian of about 17 years) as I will be on bed-rest the days following the transfer. It works out great though because I won't have to take any days off work!
As I prepare for the big day I'm starting to get my body ready for welcoming our three little embies. I'm trying to eliminate processed and fried foods and eat lots of fertility friendly foods. I'm cutting out all running (even though it hasn't happened in a while since I stopped training) and I am starting a Yoga for Fertility class every Sunday with other women going through the same obstacles we are. I'm excited to start practicing yoga and hopefully make some new friends too! I think being around other people who are facing similar struggles will be a great source of comfort.
In the coming month and a half I'll do my best to update often and keep you all in the loop! Please start praying your hearts out that this is the last time we go through all this and that God will bless us with the greatest gift in the world!!

Breaking Bank for Baby(ies)

For the past three years the hardest part of our infertility struggle has definitely been (obviously) the trying and trying to have a child to no avail. I would say the second hardest part has to be the financial toll it takes on you as well..

Making a baby is supposed to be free, but we've quickly learned that if any obstacles are put in your way, i.e. when infertility rears it's ugly head, it is anything but. At Rhett's past job we were fortunate enough to have amazing insurance that covered almost everything with very small deductibles. Now though, we find ourselves with no insurance for infertility. I find it infuriating that insurance policies can get away with not covering this, to me having a child is a normal human function, and if it can not be performed should be treated as any other medical condition. I don't think that they would deny someone mental health services. Not being able to have a child definitely takes it's toll on your mental health. Pay up now insurance, and save yourself money down the line... anyways, I digress.

Rhett and I have three "snow babies" (as we like to call them, the technical name is frozen embryo, I like snow baby) and have decided to do a frozen cycle and put them all in and pray for the best. With no insurance coverage we will be paying for everything out of pocket, which is going to make us tighten our belts significantly, and definitely impact our lifestyle ( I guess I have to start cooking and stop shopping). We are willing to take on this financial burden to fulfill what to us, is our biggest life goal. Endless nights of mac n cheese, redboxes, and a last season's clothes will be a distant memory when we have our little precious baby or babies. So here's to a tight budget and a bright future!

My Next Thirty Years...

I remember listening to the song "My Next Thirty Years" by Tim McGraw when I was younger and thinking 30 sounded old, and well so far off... but here I am sitting at my kitchen table drinking coffee (took the day off work)and realizing that 30 wasn't so far off after all. I am it and it is me.
Looking back on my past 30 years I realize how blessed I've been, a wonderful mom and dad that love me, two great brothers, and the most adoring, caring, supportive (and handsome) husband a gal could ask for. Now that I'm starting a new era I'm looking towards my next thirty years and I wonder what's in store for me. I hope and pray that soon God will bless us with a child, I'd like to pursue my dream of writing, and stop complaining (not sure which will be harder, the having a child or not complaining, ha).
One goal that you all know about and have supported me in, is my dream to run a marathon. It is with a heavy heart that I announce to you all that I've decided not to run the Chicago Marathon. There were many factors that came into play when making this decision, and believe me, it wasn't an easy one to make! When the school year started, I was working crazy long hours that was inhibiting me from keeping to my running schedule during the week. There were weeks that I was not running at all during the week and jumping in and running 16 miles on a Saturday. This in turn has caused me to suffer a lot of back and knee pain. In conjunction to the aches and pains, I'd been feeling more tired than I ever had in my life. I at first contributed this to chasing 6 and 7 year olds around again for 7 hours a day. After a while though, I realized this was a whole new kind of tired. After some bloodwork it was found my thyroid is not properly functioning. My doctor said that this can further negatively impact my fertility (really?!?) so I've been put on medication to help regulate this problem. My optimistic mom says perhaps this is the ticket we'll need to get preggers! So to make a long story short, it seems as though the intense work outs were not boding well with me, and I made what seems to me like the hardest, but most responsible choice I could. I can't thank you all enough for the generous contributions you made to support me, and please know 100% of your donations have gone to help sick children (and are tax deductible :) ) regardless of whether I run the race or not.
So on to bigger and better things...For my birthday, Rhett bought me a bunch of fertility books that we're going to read together and hope to start treatments again soon! Taking a break from treatments has been wonderful for us, it gave us time to relax, focus on us, and de-stress. Lately though, I think we've been getting the itch to take charge and plow forward again. So it's true what they say, one door closes and another opens... So cheers to my past thirty years and on to my

next thirty years filled with hopes, dreams, and maybe the pitter patter of little feet..

13 going on 30

This past weekend I ran 13.5 miles with my training group and although it was hot and my knees were hurting a little bit, I felt great. In between getting to know you chats with my fellow running group members I reflected on the current journey I'm on in life. For some reason or the other at about mile 7 I realized, I'm going to be 30 in a little over a month and I felt my heart flutter a bit. What about my life's checklist? I have so many prior to 30 check boxes unchecked, mainly my "be a mom" check box pulling at my heart the most. I realized that running a marathon was not ever on that list ( I swore only crazy people ran marathons) and although it won't be checked off prior to my 30th but will be 31 days after, so there's that.
At lunch with Rhett later that day I told him my epiphany while running and told him, although I'm only halfway through my training I feel empowered and accomplished. I CAN run 13 miles, I WILL run 26.2, and I'm almost 30. It turns out maybe I should add things to the list and check them off as I go, turns out focusing on what you can do is a whole lot better than what you can't. If if I can run 13 and I'm going on 30... then I can hopefully still check off that baby box someday, I believe in my body, maybe it and God just have a check list of their own.